AIM.

Thank you Khoi Duong, you're a true bro.

(11:00:04 PM) Ruudyyyy: There's just a lot of things I've done wrong in the past.
(11:00:15 PM) Ruudyyyy: Lot's of things I'm currently doing wrong in the present.
(11:00:21 PM) Ruudyyyy: Things I know I'm going to do wrong.
(11:00:24 PM) Ruudyyyy: Things I miss
(11:00:27 PM) Ruudyyyy: Days I miss.
(11:00:30 PM) Ruudyyyy: Friends I miss.

(11:14:20 PM) Ruudyyyy: At the end of these kind of days.
(11:14:24 PM) Ruudyyyy: I never feel good.
(11:14:33 PM) Ruudyyyy: Does that mean, I live a fucked up life?
(11:14:36 PM) Ruudyyyy: I mean,
(11:14:40 PM) Ruudyyyy: People should feel good
(11:14:42 PM) Ruudyyyy: At least a little
(11:14:46 PM) Ruudyyyy: When they think about their life.

(11:17:16 PM) Ruudyyyy: I basically want to die purposely on accident.
(11:17:18 PM) Ruudyyyy: LOL.
(11:17:32 PM) Ruudyyyy: It's taking the cowardly easy way out.
(11:17:33 PM) Ruudyyyy: Sure
(11:17:36 PM) Ruudyyyy: But I'm tired.
(11:17:42 PM) Ruudyyyy: Of everything,
(11:17:42 PM) KhoixFiSHie: tired?
(11:17:52 PM) Ruudyyyy: I know you're supposed to go through all this.
(11:17:56 PM) Ruudyyyy: And many go through much worse.
(11:17:57 PM) Ruudyyyy: Well,
(11:18:03 PM) Ruudyyyy: Maybe I'm weaker than the average person.
(11:18:06 PM) Ruudyyyy: Cause' I can't take it.

(11:24:46 PM) Ruudyyyy: Everything in life that brings you happiness.
(11:24:50 PM) Ruudyyyy: It's all momentarily.
(11:25:05 PM) Ruudyyyy: It's all the bad feelings that wash up after the happy hype has died down.
(11:25:18 PM) Ruudyyyy: It's like rust.
(11:25:23 PM) Ruudyyyy: It'll always be there.
(11:25:29 PM) Ruudyyyy: You can paint some pretty color over it.
(11:25:34 PM) Ruudyyyy: But that's momentarily also.
(11:25:40 PM) Ruudyyyy: It'll scratch or wear off.
(11:25:44 PM) Ruudyyyy: The rust will be there again.
(11:25:48 PM) Ruudyyyy: You can't wash it off.

(11:27:30 PM) KhoixFiSHie: i'm just marveling at how you thought about this so much
(11:27:45 PM) KhoixFiSHie: makes my endless nights thinking about this seem like day dreams
(11:27:46 PM) KhoixFiSHie: aha
(11:27:53 PM) KhoixFiSHie: i'm not one to talk about life and shit
(11:28:08 PM) KhoixFiSHie: i'm just the receiver, the shoulder to lean on, friend to talk to
(11:28:23 PM) KhoixFiSHie: i'm not really much help when it comes to trying to make you feel better
(11:28:29 PM) KhoixFiSHie: cuz i usually screw up that shit

(11:35:42 PM) Ruudyyyy: I can see my future actions on certain events/happenings in my life.
(11:35:49 PM) Ruudyyyy: Sometimes they'll be bad.
(11:35:54 PM) Ruudyyyy: I know I should stop myself.
(11:35:56 PM) Ruudyyyy: Do something else.
(11:35:58 PM) Ruudyyyy: But
(11:35:59 PM) Ruudyyyy: I don't.
(11:36:08 PM) Ruudyyyy: And because people will call me stupid,
(11:36:13 PM) Ruudyyyy: I will say I didn't see it coming.
(11:36:17 PM) Ruudyyyy: Does this happen to you?
(11:36:21 PM) Ruudyyyy: It happens to me quite often.
(11:36:32 PM) Ruudyyyy: Like, I SHOULD do something else; I really should.
(11:36:34 PM) Ruudyyyy: But I don't.
(11:36:38 PM) Ruudyyyy: Because I'm too weak to change.
(11:36:40 PM) Ruudyyyy: I want that
(11:36:51 PM) Ruudyyyy: Immediate, but temporary JOY.
(11:36:55 PM) Ruudyyyy: Which later brings stress.
(11:37:02 PM) Ruudyyyy: Instead of a constant content feeling.
(11:37:05 PM) Ruudyyyy: No Joy, but no stress.

(11:46:02 PM) Gimme A Smile 22: whether you realize it or not, you'll chnage and learn from the things you've done.& pshhh RUDYYY WIDJAJA nott strong? your'e the one and only one who can infect a whole buddy list and turn it ORANGE in a matter of minutes! you're one of a freaken kind!

We go deep. Roots to our problems.